The LORD is MY light!!!

I have had so many times when I feel that nothing around me is real. I fight myself just to breath. Depression is a part of everyday life. As I have wandered no knowing what I am doing Not knowing that I am ENOUGH. That I AM a daughter of GOD. He loves me. Yes I know this.

He has quited my soul and brought peace to my heart. The advisory is not happy with me. I am choosing the better part. I will say that it is not easy. Prayer, my constant companion, is what gives me strength.

Hansom looks at me crying...for what I don't know . Falling ever faster into a spot were he doesn't know me. With his gentle voice he calmly waits by my side. Ever watchful, waiting for the moment that he can tell me that I am worth it. I know somewhere far from this lack of understanding that he is right. I am of worth. I am GOOD. I am real. I am worth the worry and sadness, the joy and gladness. I am worth havening the things I want. I am worth being a friend, mother, wife, Lover.

I am worth the death of a brother. Jesus is his name . He did, many years ago. I have had to get know him be study and prayer. He is there. He looks on me as worried as hansom. Wondering if I will let his healing love in.

In the corner of the room laughing is my other brother. One I know all to well. The one that tells me I am never going to be good enough, that i am not ok or lovable. He sits knowing I am struggling, laughing at my feeble attempts to feel. Feel any thing.

But My elder brother doesn't know that when the light of the lord is in you, you are as powerful as he is. You have the power to command him to leave. You are in control. And I might add worth it.

God is real . I feel his love everyday. In the small moments of quit reflexion I can know he is there. That he wants me to be so much more than I see. That with him I am never alone. I am His. He made me . every detail of my body he made. What I think are flaws he sees as glory.

I can never see what there is in me that is different. I know that I am different. People look at me differently than they do at others. My light will shine. I will be one who stands out. I will be different. It is one of the things I do well. I don't have to think about doing things like every one else. I dress for me and as some might say very eclecticly. I have no rhyme nor reason to the pattern of my style. I want others to see that I am different. That I know something that they don't, the love of god.