Doldrums

I find myself drifting, with no way to change course.

I have the tools to change.

I have the knowledge to do things differently.

Yet here i am...unmoving.

I sit and think of all I can do, some times I even do it. I made a sling bag and shawl on friday and went around on Saturday looking for something to do.

I have my house in order. I take time for me. My kids have time to do tings with Hansom, and me.

Yet I am left unsatisfied. I feel there is more for me to do, so I go and go. I clean up after every mess spend less that 10 min. cleaning a day, because that is all it takes.

Maybe things will change soon. Hansom is starting work tomorrow. He hasn't worked for over 6 months. He did his student teaching then has been home all day every day for the last 2 and 1/2 months. We had time to do many things that we wouldn't otherwise had the time to do, but now that things are in order and I can keep them there I need space. I don't know how to get it.

I took Hansoms Grandma shopping on Saturday I was gone for 2 1/2 hours and when I came back I felt like I had been gone all day and things feel apart and I took to long and Hansom had other things he needed to do.

I think that I am always getting in the way of myself. I think that my second thought is better than my first and run into trouble second guessing myself all the time.

Yet another thing to overcome...