Change is hard

My Grandma has had the same T.V. since before I was born. It has the T.V. in a wood box that sits on the floor. The picture has become increasingly distorted. Over time the people's heads have gotten bigger as the body and legs get smaller. On adds that want you to call a number, you can't read it because it is so small. She thought that it was fine and would be with her until she was gone.

Derrick and I received a T.V. That was nicer than the one we had from some dear friends. So, we decided to give the old one to grandma for Christmas. We brought it in thinking we did a good job, and that she would love it.

She was set on keeping her old T.V. Saying that nothing was wrong with it. We didn't have a place to put the new one, so we put it in the back bedroom. Hoping that the next time we came she would see she needed it.

Four month past and we came to visit. Nothing had changed. If anything she was more determined to keep the old T.V. We still didn't have a place to put it, so we let it go. 

Anew weeks later I found the perfect stand to put it on, and it was free. What could be better. We came up to grandma's today and knew that if we were going to change the T.V.s around it would have to be when she wasn't here to complain about wanting the one that was broken. 

We happened to get home earlier than her from putting flours on graves in a near by graveyard. Derrick and I moved fast. The old T.V. was anything but light, so I had Derrick back the van to the door so that we wouldn't have to walk across the yard. We were able to get the new T.V. set up and ready to go.

My mom was in the car with my grandma when they got home and said that my grandma was afraid she was robbed because of the makes in the grass. My mom then told her that she thought that Derrick and I might have moved the T.V. witch was a good thing. 

The first thing that she said was that the people looked so much better. I couldn't believe it. She later said that the color was better and that you don't know how bad it is until you see the change.

I am realizing that I do the same thing. I hang on to so many things thinking that I need it because I am used to it and don't know anything better. I need to let go more. My Father in Heaven knows that I could see the picture better if I changed and was willing to move forward. I need to go to the forward in change, knowing that I will be able to see the picture better.

  

It has been a while

So, I have had a bit going on lately. 

I have been preparing for the upcoming Farmers Market with my husband. He is going to sell a game he created and chain mail bracelets, while I am going to sell homemade lotion, foot scrub, toothpaste, and solid perfume in lockets. I made them all and used essential oils in  them. I had to find out about FDA regulations and figure out labels. I also help Derrick with the marketing of his game and marketing of bags to put them in. There was a lot of research that went into this...and money. Here is hoping it all works out. I will keep you posted.

Seth has also been potty training. We have a clock that chimes every half hour so that is when we started to take him. He only tells us a tenth of the time when he has to go, but that is better then whet he was doing before. 

I have started thinking about my  ideas  towards my kids and how it needs to change. I have five of the most amazing kids ever to be born. They all play well with each other and for the most part do not fight. If I were to be honest the main time the fight is when I am already upset over something that has nothing to do with them.so I am going to stop yelling, aka, my favorite sin. You know, the one you want to hold on to to help you feel safe. I will stop. My kids do not need the memories of me heeling at them. I don't what that to be what is there. So I will quit.

 

I use yelling to protect myself...from a two year old...yep a child who is learning about the world around them. A child who learns from me that yelling and making others feel small is the right thing. I have suffered from depression and have used it as a crutch, saying that it is ok to yell because I am depressed. What am I thinking. It is never ok to make anyone feel small because you need to feel in control. Don't you think if I started ushering control I would start feeling it. 

I will let you know how it is going.

Oh, the diet has stopped. I am eating,working out , and taking care of me for me. I can only do my best and not get down when that isn't were I want it to be. I can only do what I can do and that is enough..